This stuff is hard!

^{Luke 6:27-28:} 

“But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, 

do good to those who hate you,

bless those who curse you, 

pray for those who mistreat you.

I've read this bible verse many times, heard it preached on more than the number I represent in age, and heard it said candidly many times.  As my eyes scan the words, I think yeah, duh.  Of course, smile and walk away.  Wish good on someone who is out to drag your name through the mud.  Look in the eyes of a seething, hurtful person and silently pray for them.  Best one yet, turn your unmarked cheek and let the person smack you AGAIN; perhaps literally.  In theory, it sounds simple enough, I think.  In a stable, still, calm state of mind, I honestly believe that revenge is for losers.  

BUT, who the heck am I fooling?!?!  This, it hard stuff!  No one is perfect, and if I am honest, I can say I am a big offender of anger and chalk lines that represent the offenders.  I want people to pay for their offenses.  I want them to know they hurt me.  Even when I don't realize it, I am waiting for the moment they realize they were wrong.  Sometimes, I even put together scripts in my mind of the moments the offender comes back, begging for forgiveness.  

Lately, I feel God is preparing me for something bigger than I have ever thought possible.  I feel that He is calling me to a speaking and writing ministry.  I have lived through Hell on Earth in my early years, and have been pulled out of mire and muck.  My dysfunctional upbringing has left scars and wounds that no one should bare.  My choices as a result of my sin have left me shamed, and my head reminds me, constantly, how inadequate I really am!  There have been people strategically placed, by Satan, that have helped to remind me when I have forgotten how terrible I really am.  BUT, God has something to say about this.  He doesn't believe any of those things I have written and He is wanting to avenge me!  Grasping on to the fact that the God of the universe wants to restore my broken heart, give me back purity, show me the love of a Father, and take away memories that cause me cringing pain, is still something I can barely fathom.  The thought actually causes physical weakness.

So, with this said, God is doing some Spring cleaning lately.  And...we (Him and I) are stuck somewhere around the first room.  The cleaning of this first room includes easy stuff like, LOOKING WITHIN, within to my heart!  The things that lie dormant in our hearts can be hidden from man, but never from God.       

Within my heart, there lies hate and hurt and desires of revenge and, here it is, ENEMIES!  Because God knew he was creating humans, he put this little nugget of truth in His word.  He didn't say ignore your enemies, He didn't say walk away from your enemies, He said LISTEN, Love them, bless them, and pray for them (NOTE: not for fire and brimstone to reign down on their itty-bitty heads).

So, God is working on me and in me.  He is forcing me into being the child of God He has had planned for me to be all along, but refused with reckless strength.  He is shaping me into that person He wants.  The one who can turn their other cheek, who can pray for the ones who hurt me, and the ones I could, if I were so inclined, call an enemy.  

The funny thing about giving power over to God,  praying and finally desiring the peace that comes with living a way God wants me to live:  HE has given me lots and lots and lots of opportunities lately to use this new found open heart.  I am changing, slowly, but surely.  I am wanting more of Jesus, and less of the revenge that brings about worldly glory. 

You are my Rock and my Strong Tower,

My Creator, my Sustainer.. my Defender....my Avenger..my Deliverer.. 

You are my God..and You know..

Yes You know...

  Therefore what can man do to me? 

For Your will is perfect and Your timing immaculate.. 

And in Your time You make all things beautiful....

All things... 

Shut down the Club....

I was at the gym the other day.   I got 2 kids ready and jumped in the car, put them in the small daycare with minimal tears (theirs not mine), and ran on the treadmill for about 25 minutes.  This may sound small to you, but it is a victory in my little world...and I'm takin' it to the bank!


I was thinking while running (something to take the place of, dying while running), and I started to think about life as a housewife.  


My thoughts finally rested on the truth that puts so many women like me over the edge.....

"Life as a housewife, is competitive!"

Let's face it friends, if you aren't canning fruit and vegetables, teaching your kid how to recite the ABC's and count to 20 (and beyond), strictly enforcing bed times and nap times, putting make-up on, fitting into cute little clothing items, having dinner on the table at an appropriate time, running a few miles a day, creating delectable treats for breakfast/lunch/dinner, planning fun trips and events for your family, meeting up with girlfriends with hot baked goods in tow, raising children who are "paci", tantrum, and bottle free, crawling at 6 months, walking by 9 months, sleeping through the night, and sitting perfectly in public settings, and whatever else you can think of that you have ever been under pressure to achieve, YOU AREN'T IN THE CLUB!  You know that club...the one where you are NEVER in. That club with those people who do not exist, who do all of the aforementioned things without even breaking a sweat!  The most famous club in the world?!?!  

Just the other day, I felt the need to write about all of the wonderful things I had done that day.  It is fun to showoff a little, right? It is ok to show off just a little.  I felt satisfied after I wrote it, "Like everyone now knows what I do in a day!"  Let's try to be honest.  What causes this NEED to be perfect?  What makes us write on Facebook or some other social media device, how wonderful our lives are, how accomplished we are, what we are good at, what are kids are better than your kids at, what we are cooking for dinner, how much weight we lost, who loves us, who we love, etc.???  A more important question is: Where did it all come from? How did we tell people how wonderful we were and record the accomplishes of our children before social media?  

I feel bad for women these days.  With Pinterest, Facebook, Twitter, movies and magazines, we don't have a chance to ever get it "right".  We are always one step behind that woman we think has it all!  One leap behind the girl who seems so happily "with it".  A mile behind the mom who seems to know all of the answers.  I'm whining, but, "It isn't fair!"  

As women, we should be encouraging each other.  We are in this TOGETHER ladies!  Stop picking on each other, and judging each other, and making each other feel bad because they aren't doing exactly what parenting technique you think you patented!!  And if you feel like the resident expert, share your thoughts, knowing they aren't Gospel, unless they are, of course, Gospel.  The only advice we should be giving each other matter-of-factly, are Gospel truths that build each other up.  As stated above, we have enough pressure without our sisters around us tearing us up.

The pressures all around us, force us to long for the kind of perfect we will never be.  Even advertising bombards us from morning to night..."use this, do that.  The housewife hears every day that if she doesn't use "brand x" soap, her clothes will be gray or people won't like to be around you unless you use the right toothpaste.  Young people display certain brand names on their jackets, shoes, hats, sun glasses...eat this food, follow that diet, drink this, buy what we tell you and you are a winner!  The pressure to fit in is relentless!

The Bible gives many examples of individuals who had the strength of character to resist the pressure to conform.

King Nebuchadnezzar of Babylon made a large image that exalted his kingdom, then ordered everyone to bow down to it. Three young captive Hebrews vowed that they would not worship the image, even if all others did.

The king had warned that if anybody did not bow down to the image, they would be thrown into a blazing furnace.  But no such threat could alter the convictions of the three young Hebrews. They answered without hesitation:

"If we are thrown into the blazing furnace
the God we serve is able to save us from it,...
But even if he does not, we want you to know,
O king, that we will not serve your gods
or worship the image of gold you have set up."
--Daniel 3:16-18

These guys were willing to die before they conformed to what everyone else was doing.  They knew their God, the God of the universe, was capable of rescuing them.  The most amazing thing about this situation for me, is that even if God did not save their lives, they were still not going to do what everyone else was doing in worshiping the idol.

These guys had an actual tangible idol they were working to avoid worshiping, but what about all of the idols WE worship?  They are in our lives whether we want to acknowledge them or not.  God wants them out so He can rescue you!  He wants them out because serving Him is the only way out of the tangled web of wanting to be perfect and spending energy convincing everyone you are.  There is no such thing as "good enough".  


When the men of the Bible asked Jesus what the greatest commandment of the law is, Jesus replied without hesitation or reservation:

"Love the Lord Your God with all your heart and all your soul and with all your mind.  This is the first and greatest commandment.    

And the second is like it:  Love your neighbor as yourself.  All the law and the prophets hang on these two commandments."  

Matthew 22: 36-40 

I love the way Jesus answers here.  He calls us to worship Him, but paired with the greatest commandment, is a calling to LOVE each other!  He didn't say "love me and (Insert here)." God just wants you to worship Him, and love each other!  Stop being so hard on yourself and STOP being so hard on each other. 

Shut down the club, membership is too hard to obtain anyway....