This stuff is hard!

^{Luke 6:27-28:} 

“But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, 

do good to those who hate you,

bless those who curse you, 

pray for those who mistreat you.

I've read this bible verse many times, heard it preached on more than the number I represent in age, and heard it said candidly many times.  As my eyes scan the words, I think yeah, duh.  Of course, smile and walk away.  Wish good on someone who is out to drag your name through the mud.  Look in the eyes of a seething, hurtful person and silently pray for them.  Best one yet, turn your unmarked cheek and let the person smack you AGAIN; perhaps literally.  In theory, it sounds simple enough, I think.  In a stable, still, calm state of mind, I honestly believe that revenge is for losers.  

BUT, who the heck am I fooling?!?!  This, it hard stuff!  No one is perfect, and if I am honest, I can say I am a big offender of anger and chalk lines that represent the offenders.  I want people to pay for their offenses.  I want them to know they hurt me.  Even when I don't realize it, I am waiting for the moment they realize they were wrong.  Sometimes, I even put together scripts in my mind of the moments the offender comes back, begging for forgiveness.  

Lately, I feel God is preparing me for something bigger than I have ever thought possible.  I feel that He is calling me to a speaking and writing ministry.  I have lived through Hell on Earth in my early years, and have been pulled out of mire and muck.  My dysfunctional upbringing has left scars and wounds that no one should bare.  My choices as a result of my sin have left me shamed, and my head reminds me, constantly, how inadequate I really am!  There have been people strategically placed, by Satan, that have helped to remind me when I have forgotten how terrible I really am.  BUT, God has something to say about this.  He doesn't believe any of those things I have written and He is wanting to avenge me!  Grasping on to the fact that the God of the universe wants to restore my broken heart, give me back purity, show me the love of a Father, and take away memories that cause me cringing pain, is still something I can barely fathom.  The thought actually causes physical weakness.

So, with this said, God is doing some Spring cleaning lately.  And...we (Him and I) are stuck somewhere around the first room.  The cleaning of this first room includes easy stuff like, LOOKING WITHIN, within to my heart!  The things that lie dormant in our hearts can be hidden from man, but never from God.       

Within my heart, there lies hate and hurt and desires of revenge and, here it is, ENEMIES!  Because God knew he was creating humans, he put this little nugget of truth in His word.  He didn't say ignore your enemies, He didn't say walk away from your enemies, He said LISTEN, Love them, bless them, and pray for them (NOTE: not for fire and brimstone to reign down on their itty-bitty heads).

So, God is working on me and in me.  He is forcing me into being the child of God He has had planned for me to be all along, but refused with reckless strength.  He is shaping me into that person He wants.  The one who can turn their other cheek, who can pray for the ones who hurt me, and the ones I could, if I were so inclined, call an enemy.  

The funny thing about giving power over to God,  praying and finally desiring the peace that comes with living a way God wants me to live:  HE has given me lots and lots and lots of opportunities lately to use this new found open heart.  I am changing, slowly, but surely.  I am wanting more of Jesus, and less of the revenge that brings about worldly glory. 

You are my Rock and my Strong Tower,

My Creator, my Sustainer.. my Defender....my Avenger..my Deliverer.. 

You are my God..and You know..

Yes You know...

  Therefore what can man do to me? 

For Your will is perfect and Your timing immaculate.. 

And in Your time You make all things beautiful....

All things...